How my day started . . .

Warning, this is going to be long. Sorry! Anybody that knows me knows that I absolutely stink at asking for help, admitting when I need help, complaining about health issues, etc. I have always been this way, but since I’ve had the girls it has gotten way worse. I mean really, it’s not like I’m Super Woman. My parents have made my life so easy being a parent, I really feel like I cannot ask for anything more. But sometimes I really wish I was better at this!

The past couple weeks I have been in a lot of pain with leg cramps. Take your average charlie horse and kick that up by 100. It is all the way down the front of my left leg, from my calves down in both legs, and both feet. Horrible, horrible pain. But, I’ve managed pretty well and honestly other than my parents, Nana, and Daniel nobody has known anything about it. To top things off since late last fall I have been having really bad female problems (no worries, I will not go into details on this one). Really bad problems! Knowing my yearly check up was going to be in January, I just put it off (dumb, I know). January came and my doctor was on a medical leave. I have been with this doctor for many years (and in fact came to him after being traumatized by two really bad gynos). We have been through cancer, post cancer scares of reoccurrence, telling me I can’t have children, to pregnancy, to delivery. You get it, he has been there through everything! And he is a UGA grad and beloved Dawg fan as well so you see, I love this man. There was no way I was willing to see another doctor so I just waited for him to return. He is still on leave and there is a very real possibility he is going to retire. This makes me so sad for many reasons. I just could not continue to ignore these problems and wait any longer so with much research (ya’ll know me and my research), I found what I hope to be a perfect replacement. Don’t get me wrong, my beloved doctor comes back I will go back to him in a heartbeat. So last night I went for my appointment. He took a lot of blood to figure out what in the world is wrong with me and set up me with an ultrasound (no, I am not pregnant, he just needs to get a good look inside). So last night I went to bed silently screaming in pain over the cramps in my legs/feet, but blissfully happy that I might be getting an answer to the female crap. And then I woke up this morning and then things get a bit blurry.

When I woke up I could not feel the tips of my fingers in my left hand. I didn’t pull typically Mary here. I told Daniel we needed to drop off the girls with mom and head straight to the hospital. Now, when I say we got the “B” team of nurses and doctors, I will go ahead and fast forward to tell you we really got the “F” team. Seriously, worse ever! Please remember my left arm was already butchered the night before so the vampire took blood samples from my right arm. Took her 7 sticks in my elbow crease to get the vein. When they realized I needed fluids and was low on magnesium they needed to put in the i.v. She started with the right arm. Seriously took her 4 sticks to get it in there. Within 10 minutes my entire arm was on fire. She turned the fluids off and put a line in my left arm. At first I thought it was a success because it only took the one poke. Wrong, she didn’t put it in the vein correctly, but refused to fix since this one didn’t burn, and so you could literally see the needle at the top of the arm. UGH! To make things really fun, she didn’t take the line out of the other arm. Now you get the picture above. What in the world?!?!? When they discharged me the nurse was reading the list of symptoms that if they occurred I should come back. She literally stopped, looked at me, and said “You know, all the symptoms you’re having right now”. Now how exactly am I supposed to know when to come back when you let me leave with all the symptoms I should come back in for? Oh well … “F” team!

Pineapple Craving

I have been craving pineapple like crazy this week. It is a craving that happens often, especially after our honeymoon to Hawaii. Since I cannot just hop on a plane to eat the most delicious pineapple you will ever have, there has to be some way to cure this craving. Do not fear – there is! I received my first Edible Arrangement bouquet (they do bouquets of fruit cut up like flowers), many years ago. I love this company. Great idea, product, and so delicious. I used to think there was nothing better than their chocolate covered strawberries. Then one night while eating a box of said strawberries with Daniel, we saw a coupon for chocolate covered pineapples. That did it. I ordered them the very next day and we ate a whole box of them that night. It is my most favorite sweet treat to get delivered to me. So given my craving this week, you can imagine how incredibly happy I was to receive an early anniversary gift at my office today. Not one, but two boxes of chocolate covered pineapples. I.am.in.heaven! I ate one immediately, two after lunch, and am debating going upstairs right now and getting one before I leave. I hope I don’t eat the rest of box 1 on the way home. Who am I kidding, I am so going to eat a few on the way home?! If you haven’t had these, you must get some immediately!

Movie Remakes

I hope I am not alone on this. My husband finds my tirades on this subject hilarious, but I don’t even think he quite gets my passion. Over the years, there have been numerous movies remade. Most of them I just don’t get, but it wasn’t until a certain movie was remade that I was outraged. I know, I should not have time for this, but I can’t help it. The Karate Kid was a beloved movie for me as a child. It is probably why I always had a love of the sport and why I am obsessed with UFC now. Who on earth thought it was a good idea to remake this movie?! I mean don’t get me wrong. I love me some Will Smith and the whole Smith Family seems to be untouchable (who hasn’t whipped their hair lately), but I just do not get it. In fact, I am so absolutely 100% against this that I refused to see the new movie in the theater and will not purchase the dvd. The other night when I saw Karate Kid on a movie channel I quickly turned to it. Once I realized it was said remake, I quickly went back to Dora the Explorer and never looked back. I mean I can’t even bring myself to watch it for free on t.v. There is only 1 Karate Kid people. The sequels were hard enough to sit through, and don’t get me started on the girl version. But this just screams wrong. I would even be okay with this if they wanted to use the same premise, but change it up a bit. Like Kung Fu Kid or something as from what I hear (because there is no way I will watch it), it isn’t even karate in the movie. I know filming of a remake of Footloose is done and heard rumors of Dirty Dancing and I’m telling you I could just scream. Let these movies stand. I know there are starving writers out there that must have new ideas for you to make. Of course I know many people love this and I am in the minority. And I will honestly admit there is one remake coming out soon that I will see (Arthur – because who didn’t love the first one and who doesn’t think the hilarious Russell Brand will be a dead on for that role). But my love for the one and only The Karate Kid with Ralph Macchio as loveable Daniel Larusso and Pat Morita as Mr. Miyagi will stay forever! Banzai!

Coffee

Let me start by saying I love coffee, coke, and tea. When I got sick many, many years ago (that same sickness that told me I couldn’t have kids – pssh, whatever doctors), one of the plans to get me better was decrease (not eliminate) my caffeine intake. While I was born in California, I am truly a Georgia Peach. There is absolutely no way I can stop drinking sweet tea. Not drinking coke, kinda difficult, but really was easier than I thought. I actually only started drinking it again (very infrequently) when I was pregnant with the girls because the heartburn was SO bad that coke would actually help with some of the meals I knew would cause it. Then there was the coffee. Geez, I have to give up coffee and coke. Blah! I was so surprised how quickly I kicked this habit. It was actually good practice because I have never been healthier than the two times I have been pregnant. I felt so blessed that I was carrying said little miracles that I was not about to put anything in my body that would/might/possibly hurt them. So I was actually pretty lucky (if you call all the pain during the sickness) to have kicked these things. I have continued with my sweet tea drinking. I actually kicked it for several months once, but it gradually became a part of me again. The coke is extremely infrequent – I mean you just cannot have popcorn or certain things with water! Plus, how on earth can you say no to a good cold Cherry Coke or Cherry Dr. Pepper?!?!? Then we got a new partner and he brought a Keurig coffee maker to the office. I was so proud how I never got a cup of it. Now, I did try the hot chocolate and teas in it, but never the coffee. Even though it smelled SO GOOD! So what does my husband do for Christmas, he buys me my own Keurig coffee maker. Does he not listen to me about how hard it has been to stay away from coffee since this machine entered my office? Does he only want it for himself and used giving it to me as a reason to pay so much money for coffee maker? I don’t have a clue. Once again, I was so proud of myself. I went out and bought the hot chocolates and teas, but did NOT drink any of the coffees. Then we had a freak snow/ice storm and was locked down in the house. That did it. Two little girl monsters and one big husband monster in the house with no way of getting down our driveway. I was practically begging for the coffee! And now I’m a coffee drinker again. Gosh darn it! Now, I am proud of myself that even though that devil contraption is in my house I do not have a cup every day. I do usually have one on Saturday and Sunday mornings. My girls think if they can convince me to have cereal for dinner (they try this at a minimum of once a week) that they can play more with mommy before bed, and so I give in because what mom on earth could say no to your children wanting to play with you more. So on cereal nights sometimes I will get a cup of coffee with it. I am sure this will stop in the summer because it will be so hot, but I’m not going to guarantee it. Of course then I will be drinking more of the teas so I think I will be better about the balance. All I can say is that machine makes the absolute best coffee (even a close call with my fav Dunkin Donuts because it has a Donut Shop blend that is so close you wouldn’t even believe it if you didn’t try it).

Cranky Mary

I don’t understand why we have to change time. I certainly do not understand why we would need to Spring Forward and basically loose a whole hour. I mean where does it really go anyways? Why does it have to go? I wondered this and many other things while I was doing everything I could to get to sleep Sunday night. I somehow convinced myself that yes the clock said 11:30, but really it is only 10:30 so go ahead and stay up another hour reading. I should logically have been about to rationalize that also meant when my alarm clock goes off at 5:30 (or really 5:20 as I always wake up 10 minutes before my clock goes off – weird, I know), that it would in essence be 4:30 and I should take my happy butt off to bed. I am beyond lucky that my girls are schedule children. What is that you say? Did I train my children like dogs? What an interesting idea. But no, I did not. My children from age 1 month (3 weeks for the baby) insisted themselves upon a schedule that included an early bedtime and late wake up. I know I am lucky so do not start the hate mail. The oldest truly thinks she should be in bed at 7:00 at night. We called the baby an old man for the first 1 ½ of her life because she wanted to go to bed around 5:30 or 6:00 at the very latest. Now you would think this would mean they would get up at the crack of dawn and you would be wrong, oh so very wrong. While I was still nursing them they would get up when I woke them up to feed them. That’s right. I would have to wake them up to feed them! They would promptly go back to sleep and sleep for several hours. Once the nursing stopped, they felt sleeping in until 8:00, 8:30 and sometimes even until 9:00 was appropriate. Again, I know I’m lucky. So, while I put my sleepyheads to bed at 7:00 Sunday night (yes, while it was still bright outside), I couldn’t help but wonder why on earth it was so easy for them to be on a schedule and I couldn’t get on board. I guess it is just my natural stubbornness to not given in to losing one hour or maybe I just wanted to make sure everyone remembered what cranky Mary is like. Cranky Mary appears when she is tired or hungry. To ease the pain of the time change and defying sleep, I did stop and get breakfast yesterday and today. Maybe I’ll just sleep tonight instead?

Dif.fer.ent

I am different. Since everyone knows this to be true, I have no problem admitting it. There is not a computer in the world that could hold the list of things that make me different. I realized this thanks to my mother-in-law, who was very clear when I asked her what I was supposed to tell my children when they asked where she was, that she was “off to see the wizard”. Seriously.not.joking! It took her two weeks to come see Reilly and she spent more time with the dogs. That was the last time she saw her. She has never seen Makayla. This is not for lack of trying (or begging) on part of myself and my dear husband, you know, her son. Trust me, with how I was raised this became a huge problem for me and in my marriage. Until (and if you can believe without even any counseling) my husband and I actually decided to stop making it a big deal. My two children are loved more than any child in the world. Prior to us getting married she was all kinds of involved. I’m not sure what happened, and we probably would go in debt with a counselor on that one, but I’m done trying to figure it out. But while planning the wedding every time I would ask her opinion or show her what we were doing she would scrunch up her face and say “Ooohhh, that’s so dif.fer.ent” clearing indicating she did not like what we decided. It then became a game to see how many times we could get her to say it. I got it when my dress ended up having some red in it (ask to see a picture it was breathtaking), when I picked red velvet for the cake, the food, the decorations, etc. But then I thought – oh crap, I am different. Want to know the most neurotic thing? Probably not, but here goes. The tiniest thing can happen and I think I’m pregnant. Why you ask? Here goes. I am medically not supposed to be able to have children. That’s right. My children are total miracle babies. Don’t ask my husband about this, he will just tell you he has super swimmers. Seriously. So before getting pregnant with the first girl (totally planned by the way, just not thinking it would 1. Happen at all or 2. Happen so quickly), I never worried about being pregnant because I couldn’t right. Both of my girls are 100% planned. Came off the pill and bam two months later (each time) I was pregnant. I am completely tuned into my body like something crazy. So that is why if I’m not cramping by a certain point, start craving anything I craved with either baby, or don’t have to run to the bathroom on a certain day I am just 100% positive I’m pregnant. That is why when I started craving garlic bread this morning at 10:00 I freaked out. We have never had a true scare, I am simply dif.fer.ent! Oh, and by the way, don’t worry about my girls. They have more adopted grandmothers than most people could imagine. They have a list of people that want to be their other grandmas or aunts. People are naturally drawn to my little munchkins. Not to mention my mom, their nana who is honestly an angel right here on earth. Oh wait, you might want to worry about the fact that their mother is clearly dif.fer.ent!

Red

If you were to ask me my favorite color when I was in high school I would have told you blue. It probably had a lot to do with the fact that I was nicknamed Blu my freshman year by a dear friend. The nickname stuck, and while I really love blue to be 100% honest, my favorite color is red. This is very helpful given one of my favorite things is UGA football. Each of my apartments had at least one room done with a lot of red. When I purchased my first home, I knew it was going to be the kitchen. I wanted a house with dark cherry wood, but it seemed like every house that we went back to didn’t have this wood. My house doesn’t have dark cherry wood, but it does have awesome wood and the red REALLY sets it off. So, you can imagine my surprise and disgust while eating lunch and reading my Sports Illustrated (that’s right, all the sports magazines come to me in my house) that I see an ad for Newport cigarettes. I took a picture and sent it via text to several friends. I mean how on earth is this a good ad?!?! Not only should the word pleasure and cigarettes never go together, but why oh why would they do this to my favorite color. Evil I tell you, evil!

Holidays/Seasons Decorations

I’m one of those quirky people that like to decorate my house for holidays/seasons. I mean in every way. I have something on the door, full on decorations in the house, candles and plug ins that smell like whatever season it is, candy bowls with appropriate candy, etc. You name it, I’ve thought of it. To be honest, I did this before I even had children. But it has gotten way out of hand since I’ve had the girls. They really get into it and it is just nice to have the house decorated. Plus, it is a fun way to teach them about the seasons/holidays. I even keep the decorations stored in boxes that are colored themed so that my husband can easily pull the appropriate bin from the POD. Then I like to shop to see what else is new that add to the collection. There is only one time a year that I get really frustrated. When I take down my Valentine’s Day decorations I am increasing irritated that St. Patrick’s Day is only celebrated at bars/pubs and there are hardly any decorations for it. I have had to create most of the decorations that I have currently and while that is fun, I would really appreciate a little love for my beloved holiday. I am of Irish/German decent (doesn’t that sound like fun for my husband – a strong willed, independent, control freak). The German only really comes out in my stubbornness and control freak. I am 100% a Kirk. Reilly’s name was very much to honor my heritage. So, if there are any others of you out there that know the skinny on where to get good Irish/St. Patrick’s Day decorations, please, please let me know! (And not the shamrocks that are covered in so much green glitter that it would take 20 years to get it cleaned out of my house.)

Sparkly Vampires

I remember when Twilight came out and I literally said “Yeah right. I am NEVER going to watch that crap.” I also remember thinking I’m way too old to enjoy that. Then I got sick. I mean really, really sick. I was stuck in bed unable to do anything (so bad so that the girls had to be quarantined away from me to my parents and Daniel stayed upstairs). And what do you guess was on t.v. ALL the time? That’s right Twilight and Eclipse. I watched everything I could think of to watch. Even watched 3 seasons of a wedding show just to avoid watching these movies. Then in my delirious state after about 4 days, I gave in. I watched the first one. The movie was not so good. However, I have always loved books/movies relating to vampires so I guess you could say I could get why so many people are in love with it. In my sickness (and not really wanting to watch the second one), I downloaded the books into my reader. That did it. I read all four books in the span of about 5 days. I then rewatched the first movie, watched the second move, and on demand watched the third. And now here I sit, like some obsessed little teenager waiting for the fourth book to be made into a movie. Of course it would have to be put into two parts which means this wait will go until November of this year and then next year. So, what to do, that’s right, I re-read the fourth book since there is no movie to watch yet. Oh and I also downloaded Midnight Sun and The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner. My husband finds it hilarious that I am in love with “the sparkly vampire movies”. Honestly, I don’t think I would have enjoyed the movies at all (minus how gorgeous some of the actors are) if I had not read the books. Seriously, who doesn’t love a really good love story? And now I’ve made my embarrassing confession, but I own it.

Time for another keyboard

I was the girl that actually enjoyed typing class in school. That is until I realized I was pretty good at it, and then became bored with the class. All I can say is thank you to the class though. I am a pretty good typist and more importantly very quick. There is one problem though. I actually have had to replace several keyboards. Not because of me. Because I literally rub the letters off the keys and therefore nobody else can use my keyboard. I don’t need the letters on it. Don’t even look at the keyboard when I’m typing, as in never. I never look at it. However, I give in and don’t want to listen to people complain about my keyboard they can’t use. Why are they using it? That is a whole different blog. I just don’t see a problem. Didn’t you have a good teacher/class in middle and high school that taught you how to type? Guess not!

Professional Wrestling

I get it people, it’s fake. But here’s the deal – I grew up watching this with my dad. We used to go downtown and watch it live all the time. I have vivid memories of Flair on the ground in front of me cutting his own forehead, crawling back into the ring, and making it look like part of the show. Still thought it was real. Seriously. Then you have to picture my great grandmother (G.G.) being way too involved. I mean this little old woman would get so involved she would be standing on her chair screaming at the guys to “Get up off the ground, don’t you see he is about to jump on you!” (etc). I loved her. I loved the time with my dad. I loved professional wrestling. I was the kid watching it on weekend nights when it would go all night. I would fall asleep and wake up to the blue screen. Every. Single. Weekend. Now I’m an adult. Still watch it. It is like my soap opera. No, I don’t watch every week. But enough to keep myself in the loop. I was lucky to find a husband who not only does not think I’m crazy, but has the same feelings. Now, even if you don’t get the above and you still think I’m crazy, I want you to just once youtube some of the videos with The Rock. You will never think I’m crazy again. This man is gorgeous, funny, and entertaining as hell to watch. Thank God in heaven I’ve already ordered Wrestlemania tickets for this year!

Have a happy what?!?!?

Always, really, you have got to be kidding me. Have a happy period. First, I want to apologize to all the men out there. Do you really think they want to see commercials for all this time of the month crap. I assure you, they don’t! Seriously, who in their right mind thought this was a good advertisement. Certainly not a woman. I do not think there is a sane woman out there that would use the word “happy” with relation to this monthly event (you know minus the ones that are scared to death it won’t come). Then I thought a man wouldn’t either because as I mentioned above they wouldn’t want to hear about this. Then I got to thinking a little bit more. Maybe if they put this false mumbo jumbo out there then it would plant a seed with other zombie men that this should be a happy time of the month and therefore what are we complaining about. I mean I can see me having one of those days and Daniel coming in and being all “Hey, wait just a minute, why aren’t you having a happy period? It says right on t.v. you should be happy.” Yeah right. Because everything on t.v. is always right! I think I’ll not use Always anymore and see how happy they are.

And so it begins

I have always had a love of writing. Always great at it in high school and crafted in college. Then life hit and I just sort of pushed that part of me aside. I rekindled it a little when I was pregnant with my first daughter and wrote a journal of the entire pregnancy. Harder to write once I was a mommy and even harder after our second daughter arrived. Then the craziest thing happened. A work situation warranted an outlet. It wasn’t a situation where talking to friends and family sufficed. I realized I was craving what I loved. I was craving writing. That is all it took. A subject matter, a very interested audience that grew as the pieces I wrote were forwarded by the original recipients, and pure enjoyment on my part. It was penned as Deliciously Evil (or “DE” for short) and I loved every second of writing it and more so the accomplishment of doing what I so loved. I pulled out a couple books that I had been working on years earlier and put a few more chapters on it. Recently, I even took back to a simple blog about my girls and a start to a different kind of book. I want to do more. I want to finish the books. I want to write and write and write. But the reality is I have a full time job, two adorably funny girls, and one crazy household. Just as the DE blog made my day to write and receive reviews, I thought a funny quick witted blog would suffice for now. For now! So, I will continue writing about my hilarious girls, but as such I am not just a mommy. I need this different outlet. A way for the things that amuse me, the things that annoy me, the things that make me laugh to have a place in writing. Hope you enjoy. And by the way, once these other books are published, I anticipate each and every one of you will be buying them!